And that's ok

I am lucky to be surrounded by a plethora of successful women. Self-starters, entrepreneurs, creatives, mothers, the list of intelligent women in my life goes on and on. But I feel like it’s important to talk about what happens on the other side of creating a beautiful and bountiful life. Exhaustion. Depression. Sometimes, even madness.

Yesterday, my partner and I had an argument so I took solace on my yoga mat for a simple practice of presence. One little, heart opening, upward bow and I collapsed into a puddle of tears. The puddle got bigger, the tears wouldn’t stop, and I spent the rest of the day in bed with the cat alternating between sleeping and crying. Our argument was not that bad, but isn’t it interesting how our closest partners in life are often the ones that can add the final metaphorical straw to break the dam? Bless them.

I have been working hard for a few months; I have been working without stopping or coming up for air since New Years’ Eve. It’s winter. My body and soul are calling for rest. I make agreements with myself like if you can just hang in there a couple more months then we will be comfortable and can take a rest. If we stop now, we’ll lose our momentum, and so on. I don’t have any answers other than, well, honey, screw the momentum and take some rest. But then I will be stuck in this place, this zone of excellence as Gay Hendricks writes in his book, The Big Leap. I want to live in my zone of genius, and that zone activation requires a leap of faith and a willingness to do the work. And the work takes time.

I don’t think my experience is unique in any way and I'm not sharing this seeking sympathy. I do think the more we open up and say, hey, me too, the more we don’t have to feel afraid of speaking our truths – even the ugly ones, and trust me the puddle of tears and snot on my yoga mat yesterday was anything but pretty. I was raised to be fiercely independent and never ask for help, but with each rotation around the sun I am recognizing that asking for help makes me stronger, not weaker. So, I offer these personal words and my experience of struggle and sadness. It is my sincerest hope that one by one we can be less afraid of the repercussions of saying, me too. Life IS amazing and beautiful! Just look at all the things we can create… but sometimes it also totally sucks, and sometimes I am so tired and sometimes I can’t even put pants on. And that’s ok.

I love you.